Vocation - more
For the period from 1855 to 1859, which Dehon spent at Hazebrouck, we do not have any letters or other contemporary writings of Fr. Dehon. All we know about this time is reported by Fr. Dehon, who writes approx. 30 years later his "Notes sur l'histoire de ma vie". Dehon remembers quite clearly that the discovering of his vocation was shaped by several components:
"I am still full of humble gratitude, if I consider how Our Lord prepared and preserved marvellously my vocation. He led me into a favorable environment in order to bear my vocation." (NHV I/28v f.)
"The first divine call is obscure. From my first year [in Hazebrouck] on, I thought from time to time about the priesthood. During my second retreat my decision was made. It was strengthened on Christmas Night." (NHV I/28v)
About this Midnight Mass at the Monastery of the Capuchins Dehon writes: "I assisted at Midnight Mass as a server. I experienced there one of the strongest moments of grace in my life. Our Lord pushed me strongly to give myself totally to Him." (NHV I/26r)
"What attracted me to the vocation, was the attraction of union with Our Lord, the zeal for the salvation of the souls and the need of abounding graces to save myself." (NHV I/29r)
In his study of the spiritual experience of Fr. Dehon (Studia Dehoniana 23), Albert Bourgeois recognizes in the above quoted sentences contemporary formulas and the influence of Dehon's later development, however he comes to the following conclusion:
"Whatever Fr. Dehon makes of his childhood experience in the light of his further life, there is no doubt that real memories are both material and basic. At least we can say that these precise and strong memories of an experience of union and communion [with God] reveal a faith which already goes beyond a pure appropriation of the catechism, a faith which is experienced as a personal relationship, as an experience of love.... Starting from 'the union with Our Lord' one may be able to understand and to describe the religious experience of Fr. Dehon, as well as his view of God and the world. In this perspective his commitments, the sense of his life, his vocation and mission become comprehensible." (Studia Dehoniana 23, p.34f.)